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Dedicated to Khaleh Mandyjen!
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By Kalliroscope
A/n:
This fic is dedicated to my khaleh, Mandy of the Amoeba – she told me to make it the characters it is. *g* Which, if you know her, should be a dead giveaway as to who the characters are…
The title is from the song Kitsch Object, by Placebo.
Written
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“Please love me… forever…”
“I always will. I promise.”
The voices sound faint now. Before, I could hear them in my head as clearly as the day those words were first said. But things have changed…
Everything has changed.
“I’ve loved you since I first set eyes on you…I always will.”
Hear that? That’s the bittersweet ring of nostalgia, of memories that serve no purpose other than to tear your soul in half. Nothing is more useless, more painful, than memories of a lost love.
“We can conquer the world! You and me,
kit… the world is an oyster on a plate tied to a string wrapped around both of
our fingers.”
I remembered, without wanting to, how I had laughed at his words – he was always joking. He loved to make people laugh. And I loved to watch him as he played with the kittens, listened to the elders’ stories, gave advice to the young queens and roughhoused with the other toms…
He was the kindest cat I had ever met. Have ever met, still. And he loved me…
I never deserved his love, but I welcomed it, as a flower welcomes the sunlight that is so necessary to its life. He was necessary to my life – like a flower, I often felt that I would have wilted had he not been around.
Well, he’s gone now…
“It wasn’t her… it couldn’t have been.”
If he had a fault, it was that he trusted too much. My poor, dear, trusting love…
“I don’t give a damn about evidence! I tell you, I know her – she would never do such a thing!”
Oh, my love – why? Why did you believe in me? I wanted to tell you the truth… but I couldn’t stand the thought of how you would look at me if you found out what really happened. I didn’t want to let you know. And you were blind…
You believe without reason. You always have. And, my dearest love… that is why you have died. Why you were killed. Because you believed in me. You trusted me.
And I was not worthy of your trust.
I remember so many things…
“…not you, please…”
…the way you defended me against all the other Jellicles of the tribe…
“…it can’t be, it can’t be!”
…the warm smile on your face when you held me, the smile that lit up the entire junkyard…
“…I… oh Bast…”
…the look in your eyes when you finally realised that your beloved mate was working for Macavity, had murdered your revered Leader…
I am so, so sorry, my love! My darling Skimbleshanks… this isn’t the way our lives were meant to go. Not your life, anyway. You were intended for happiness, true love from one who deserved your trust and affection.
Not me.
Not this Gumbie Cat.
“Skimbleshanks – believe me, I didn’t want to! I didn’t… he forced me to do it, I had no choice!”
The coldness in your expression when you saw me, for the first time, as who I really am…
“Don’t touch me, you murderer.”
“Skimbleshanks!”
Oh, Bast… if I had my life to live over, would I ever fall in with Macavity’s crowd? Would I kill Old Deuteronomy, even at the threat of my own life?