With But Without

(sequel to Betrayal of Need)

by Alliecallienip

She crept slowly out of the car trunk she called home, tense with nervousness and excitement. What would
everyone else think, if they learned that he and she had parted after so long together? She knew that they
assumed she loved him - that he loved her. But it wasn't true. The only reason she had stayed with him so
long, was that sense of need. She had needed him.

She still needed him.

She looked straight up into Munkustrap's kindly face. After a brief moment she looked away, hating the
compassion she saw there.

"Jenny," he began hesitantly, then stopped as he noticed the bloodstains under her eye. "Everlasting Cat -
what happened to you?"

"I fell," she muttered under her breath, seeming embarrassed. It was the excuse she had been using for
years. She immediately set about removing the clot that matted her fur.

"Oh," said he awkwardly. "I - have some bad news for you." Looking up, she saw that all the other Cats
were staring at her in pity. She fought down the scream welling up inside of her as the Jellicle leader spoke.
Adopting a voice that he reserved for formal occasions, he said, "Jenny, I regret to inform you of your
mate's death. Skimbleshanks was killed at approximately seven-o-nine this morning, hit by an on-coming
train…." As he continued, she stood there in shock.

Finally she found her voice. "He's not dead. He can't be. Why, it was just this morning that he set me free."
Her tone was numb, void from all emotion.

"Set you free?" he echoed, confused. Surely she was delirious… She did not respond. He backed away
slowly, watching her carefully. After standing numbly for a few minutes, she retreated into her trunk. The
heavy metal lid slipped shut, and dead silence reigned in the Junkyard. Demeter embraced Munkustrap,
crying softly. He wrapped his arms around her. Yes, the elder would be missed…

She stared into the darkness. This wasn't possible. The Railway Cat, killed by a train. She struggled to
overcome the heavy layer of guilt and confusion pressing down on her. She moaned once, the blessed
shock wearing off slightly. Her mate - her master - was dead.

She wondered what the others thought of her. Her behavior at the Ball the night before had surely set many
tongues gossiping over whether she was still with him or not - and now he was dead. The thought entered
her mind that perhaps she had killed him, indirectly.

She was free. No longer would he interrogate her over the slightest show of affection for another tom. No
longer would he snap and snarl at her when he'd had a bad day.

No longer would he hurt her.

No longer would he make her cry.

Try as she may, she could feel no sense of pity of remorse that he was dead. Shock, yes. Guilt, yes.
Sadness? - not a trace. In fact, she felt better than she had in years - his shadow wasn't looming over her
anymore. She was free to be with the tom she really loved - Bustopher Jones. All that mattered now was her
image.

It wouldn't fit the image of the sweet, respectable Gumbie Cat they all thought they knew if she was mated
to a new tom too soon after Skimble's death. Surely they all believed that she had loved him - but she
hadn't. She had hated him - and in fact, still did.

She could hear snippets of conversation from outside the trunk: "…devastated, poor dear…….looked
more…suicide…….Jenny?….loved her, but she………..Jones….." She drew in a sharp breath as she tried
to decipher the jumble of words. "Devastated, poor dear," she repeated quietly to herself. That must have
been Jellylorum. "Looked more…suicide…" Suicide? Perhaps - oh, yes. Skimbles must have killed himself
over her. She mulled over that for a few moments. Certainly sweet of him. "….loved him, but
she……….Jones…." Spoken in Bombalurina's deep alto tone. So Bomba believed that Skimbleshanks had
loved her. Perhaps he had - but she most certainly did not return the feeling. She pretended to, of course,
but that's what he had expected of her. Somehow the red queen had discovered her affair with Bustopher,
but after the last Ball, it seemed that most everyone had.

At least she didn't have to wait the respectable amount of time after Skimble's death before she moved in
with Bustopher. She could do it this very afternoon if she felt so inclined! A rebellious streak surged thru
her, one that had been subdued by him for a long time.

A smile crept to her lips. She was free! - no more of this sulking and hiding. She allowed herself to laugh
aloud, the first true laugh in seemingly ages. She opened the hood with some difficulty in her excitement
and leaped outside. She stood there, grinning, while looking at all the mourning Cats. When they noticed
her happy expression, theirs changed to bewilderment and confusion.

At that moment Bustopher Jones appeared. Without a moment's hesitation, she ran forward and flung
herself into his arms, laughing in exhilarated joy. Somewhat confused, he hugged her, then kissed her, then
just stood with his arms around her. Kissing him back in joy, she sneaked a glance at the rest out of the
corner of her eye.

Jellylorum looked like she was about to faint. Demeter, Munkustrap, and Asparagus just stood in shock.
Both the Tugger and Bombalurina had a sly grin on their face. The kittens just looked confused. Coricopat,
Tantomile and Mistoffelees crouched in identical positions, their minds obviously racing. Cassandra didn't
seem to care one way or another, but Alonzo looked positively furious.

She didn't care. Smiling, she repeated the words she had spoken at the Cerenomy of Love years before,
when she had been too frightened of Him to refuse. "I have found my true soul-mate, and may we be
together in mind, spirit, and body for as long as the Everlasting Cat allows. For together were are one;
apart, we are nothing." After a moment's hesitation she added her own words, "For once I was with but
without, mated but alone, loved but abused." A soft gasp rippled through the present crowd.

She turned to stare straight up at Bustopher, a soft grin full of love painted on her features. "But now…I am
free."